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~ Independence: sometimes appropriate, sometimes inappropriate, as Jessica discovers this month ~ 

The taco casserole was cooling on the table, and Brianna was nowhere to be found. The youngest of Jessica Ransford’s children didn’t appear when called to dinner.

“I think she went outside a little while ago,” Caleb said as he seated himself at the table.

Jessica looked into the backyard. There was no sign of Brianna. This was the third time this week that the 7 year old had disappeared outside without permission. Brianna’s mother was undeniably and justifiably outraged. Brianna had also tested the limits by using the telephone without permission to call her friend Kelsey late one night (Kelsey’s mother let it be known that she was not amused), by playing with Jessica’s lipstick and mutilating it (accidentally, of course), and by “helping” clear the dishwasher of dishes that - unfortunately - had not yet been washed.

“It’s a wonder my head doesn’t explode,” Jessica muttered.

“Want me to find her?” Maggie asked from the doorway of the dining room.

The temptation was great to let Brianna miss the meal and go to bed hungry, but doing that would prolong Brianna’s current outdoor adventure - wherever she was. So she nodded, and Maggie went out the front door and stood on the sidewalk.

“Bri-anna!” she called loudly. “Supper time!” There was a pause, then a louder, “BRI-ANNA!”

Maggie came back to the table and took her seat. “She was down at the Walkers’ house,” she said. “She’s coming. This taco stuff looks yummy, Mom!”

Jessica sat down at the table and drummed her fingers beside her plate as she waited for her recalcitrant little girl to show up.

There was a flurry of activity as the door flew open, and suddenly Brianna was plopping herself into her chair and exclaiming, “What’s for supper? It smells good!”

Jessica ignored her, turning toward Caleb to say, “I believe it’s your turn to ask the blessing.”

After Caleb returned thanks, Jessica began to serve up the casserole, and Brianna began to talk.

“The Walkers put up a big play fort in the backyard!” She reported. “Kelsey and I were playing pirates, and Charlie the dog was a shark, and he was so funny, running in circles and chasing --”

“I don’t remember giving you permission to go to the Walkers’ house,” Jessica said.

Brianna picked up her fork. “What? I didn’t need permission to go play; I did all my chores.” Looking directly at Jessica’s face, she took a bite of her food and chewed.

Jessica was aware of Caleb and Maggie looking at each other, then at her. She fought to hold onto her temper.

“Brianna, we have a rule in this house, and that is that you don’t go anywhere without letting me know first.”

“Well, I think I’m old enough to go play at Kelsey’s house without being treated like a baby. I mean, I did my chores first!”

“Brianna, disobeying me is the same as disobeying God, because He says, ‘Children, obey your parents.’ Don’t you know that you aren’t honoring God when you break my rules?”

Brianna made the mistake of rolling her eyes. Jessica felt her hair stand on end.

“Put down the fork and go to your room,” Jessica ordered.

Brianna didn’t move. “What did I do now?” she asked.

“You know exactly what you are doing, and you can rest assured that we will discuss it after dinner. Go. Now.”

The rest of the meal was finished in silence. Caleb soon excused himself to go to his room and practice his yo-yo tricks, and Maggie cleared the table without being asked.

Rather than go straight to her young daughter’s room, Jessica sought privacy instead in her bathroom, where she spoke to her reflection in the mirror.

“What am I to do with that child?” she asked herself. “She really seems to think that she’s old enough to do what she wants, and I should just get out of her way!” She scowled at herself. “I just want to go in there and shake her until her teeth rattle. She’s not even half way grown up. Rolling her eyes at me.” Jessica rolled her eyes, too. She gripped the edge of the counter and leaned close to her reflection as if to tell a secret. “Brianna is too young to be so independent. How can I get rid of that independent streak and get my sweet agreeable child back?”

What’s wrong with independence?

Where did that thought come from? “Nothing -- as long as you recognize authority and submit to it. Brianna isn’t doing that.”

You want her to be dependent on you?

“Yes! No. Oh, yes and no. What do I want? I want her to set the table without being asked, to entertain herself when I’m busy, to get dressed without crying to me that she can’t find her shoes. To pick herself up when she falls off her bike and get back on. But to obey me without argument. Appropriate independence.”

Maybe Brianna is getting her inappropriate independent streak from you.

“What? That’s crazy. How can I be inappropriately independent? My husband isn’t here for me to depend on. I have to make my own decisions, take care of things for myself. I don’t have any other option.”

Isn’t there someone you are forgetting?

Jessica stared at her reflection as the realization dawned on her. When had God stopped being the One she turned to for guidance every day? She was guilty of acting without first praying for direction, trying to run on her own steam, neglecting devotions and praise as she hurried through each day -- in short, of becoming “independent” from God! Perhaps part of Brianna’s problem was that she wasn’t seeing her mother model the sort of behavior that was expected of Brianna.

Bowing her head, Jessica asked the Lord to forgive her for neglecting their relationship, and asked that he would give her wisdom in dealing with Brianna. After a few quiet moments, she felt prepared to speak to her daughter, no longer with anger, but with insight and wisdom.

Copyright 2002 by Brenda B. Covert